I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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