Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
