It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
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You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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