why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
