i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I will be naked everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize