I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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