I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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