I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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