the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
