come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
