go do what you do best...puke behind churches
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
