I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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