her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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