True but thats because hes a fetus.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
