maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
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I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
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First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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