So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
