for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
