I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
