I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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