I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i need some magic done to my vagina
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
