Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
