felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
