Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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