I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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