I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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