I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
