I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
