last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
