I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
