My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
