there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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