Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
