You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
