I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
