also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i will never coherently bang her
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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