home. puking in laundry basket.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
