who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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