I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
