Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
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he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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