Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
