Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
