If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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