I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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