There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
