hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
