Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I can text with my tongue
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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