I hate your face
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
