I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
