Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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