Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
