first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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