I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize