You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
