I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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