Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
