you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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