I puked a lego.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
