Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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