u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
