I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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