There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
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God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
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yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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