I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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