Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
