Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
