The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
