do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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