Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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