Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
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i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
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BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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