it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
