Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
