I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize