booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
