M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
