tell your sister to shave her snatch
barbara walters just said penis...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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