he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
