I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
