WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I need moral support for this bender
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
