She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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