How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
